who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
