her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
