I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
