I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We have started to decorate penises.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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