that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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