i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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