just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
