Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
