dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
