pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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