In the future we'll all be gay
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
pop tarts are not kleenex
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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