I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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