he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
3 2 1 whiskey
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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