wanna go halves on a baby?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
