She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
