I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
