I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
