I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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