How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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