So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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