So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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