Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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