I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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