Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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