you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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