He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
