My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
