We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
