He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
