I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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