a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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