You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
