apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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