If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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