we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
