i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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