I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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