take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
