The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
