I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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