hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
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I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
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Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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