Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
