apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
