dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
They have beer where we have blood.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
