I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
