Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
