I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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