Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
