I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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