YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
