I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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