I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he puts the penis in happiness.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
