think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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