I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
