Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
