i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize