we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
