Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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