Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
