A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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