my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
