that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
