man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
