Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
