oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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