when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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