think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
