im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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