So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
