I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
