Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
