I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize