You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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