Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
