ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
