I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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