I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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