I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
